Pick of the Brown Bag
May 15, 2019
by
Ray Tate
So hey, the Pick of the Brown Bag gets political sometimes. Like right now I could say that Alabama is the state that’s most likely the product of incest-rape by their White Nationalist brother-cousin Georgia. I could say that, but I won’t.
Instead, let’s celebrate Mick Jagger’s recovery from cardiac surgery.
Wayne Newton’s six decades of work in Las Vegas. Bless his heart.
Let’s rejoice in the return of John Wick.
Let’s wow over Avengers: Endgame and killer CW show season finales.
Yeah.
These celebrities do more for us than our elected officials. They distract us from a disturbing world that grows darker and darker with the consuming shadow of right-wing fascism. I will never vote Republican. Never.
This week I review the blissfully distracting Adventures of the Super Sons, Batman, Black Widow, The Immortal Hulk, James Bond, Sabrina the Teenage Witch, Spider-Man and the League of Realms and War of the Realms Strikeforce. If the juicy full-length reviews are too much for you, check me out on Twitter: #PickoftheBrownBag.
More anything can happen from Peter Tomasi’s Adventures of the the Super Sons. In the future Grandpa Jonathan Kent, son of Superman and Lois Lane, relates a story to his super-powered grandchild and Robin's granddaughter.
Old Damien Wayne joins the book club to share his more “accurate” version of the tale. Young Damien is hard enough to take. He doesn’t mellow with age.
Although he is carrying the chocolate milkshakes to the tykes.
The Super Sons, robot Jonah Hex and Green Lantern Cadet Al-X battle against Rex Luthor and his miniature DC Villain Cosplay Mob.
Rex Luthor sounds like Lex Luthor as pronounced by Scooby-Doo, but that doesn’t make him less dangerous. Tomasi’s smart plot twists add to good, solid super-hero vs. super-villain action.
Luthor’s plan depends on a Grant Morrison creation from JLA. Bizarro Kid is constantly confused about how he should speak. The villains of the piece are way over their tiny heads.
Hex turns the tide by doing something really clever. The ramifications of which make sense. The cliffhanger diverts this story to even whackier territory. Dialogue and action restore a modicum of decency to our surprise guest that seemed lost in the previous chapter. If you like the nuttiness of comics, this book is for you. Tomasi nevertheless laces objectivity to the insane world that the super-heroes live in, and that's what keeps his story from descending into chaos.
The entirety of Tom King’s new long game seems to arise from the psychological aftermath of The Wedding. Batman first made a mistake. He jumped to the conclusion that Mr. Freeze perpetrated a series signature murders. Turning out to be copy-cats. He atoned by serving on jury duty as Bruce Wayne to exonerate the Arkham inmate.
Batman did something even more unthinkable that strained his relationship with Jim Gordon. Knightmares manifested, followed by an exhilarating escape and now this. Whatever this is. Here’s what I can tell you.
The Gang’s all here, with only one of the original Batman Family present. Unfortunately she sports green eyes instead of blue. Still, Mikel Janin draws her so beautifully I can almost forgive the slight. Almost. The fact is because Janin graces Barbara, her eyes positively glow. Green. Damn it.
Dick Grayson by the way is still not dead. He’s screwy in the head. Ha-Ha. I’ll never get get tired of typing or saying that.
Naturally, I expected to see Damien Wayne who’s seldom far from his father’s side. What puzzles me is how Tim Drake returned.
Last I heard, unknown parties trapped Tim in limbo, and why is Huntress amongst the group? It’s not Helena Wayne who would have revisited Earth One if summoned by Batman.
It’s not the Post-Crisis poseur. It’s the SPYRAL agent from Grayson who as far as I know, never met Batman. Fine. Now, she apparently does.
Batman alerts the team to combat two opponents he believes to be behind all his problems. They may be the ones on the cover. Then again, maybe not. I’m not telling.
Batman’s trouble lies in the lack of evidence. You can believe Batman’s deductions. Batgirl’s testimony however is damning.
Batgirl is always the voice of reason. That leaves three possibilities. Batman never escaped his Knightmares, and this episode is a continuation. Batman is losing his mind, or his antagonists are good enough to fool Batgirl.
That last option doesn’t seem likely does it? Suppose though we take Batman at his word. What does that mean? Somebody shot Dick Grayson. Batman wreaked vengeance on the shooter who neither confirmed nor denied the identity of his employer. The Penguin came clean after the Big Bad killed his heretofore unknown sister. Given that the Penguin’s confession factored into the nemesis’ plan, he must have known what the death would set into motion.
The Big Bads of the story collude to drive Batman mad. The number one of the partnership may use a drug, possibly diluted tetrodotoxin, to fake his comatose state. The number two of the story just may be able to fool Batgirl because he evolved in a technologically superior world. Thus giving him an edge even over Batgirl. Both of them can frighten, pay off or replace people to create a facade of normalcy.
On the other hand, what if Batman is an unreliable narrator? What if Dick Grayson is fine and still Nightwing? What if Batgirl’s eyes are in fact blue and Batman imagines them green? What if Batman only created phantasms after the Wedding, and he’s trapped not in some villainous plot but his own damaged psyche? None of Batman’s actions however extreme are unpardonable should his detective work be true.
I don’t believe a Batman title has ever been this suspenseful. Back in the seventies, the Powers That Be set Batman up for the murder of Talia. Nobody bought the shred of possibility. In the eighties, supposedly one of Batman’s rogues’ gallery killed him. No one thought that for a second. Forget the nineties. This run though is different. I can see Tom King being audacious enough to follow through on Batman’s psychological breakdown. I can also see him pursuing the opposite. King successfully presents arguments for both.
If Greg Pak had put as much energy in last week’s piñata Agents of Atlas as he did for James Bond I would have been much more lenient. Pak rewrites Ian Fleming’s Goldfinger.
Look, don’t get bent out of shape. I’m a James Bond fan, and I’m not incensed. Goldfinger still exists in two different forms: original novel and film. Pak’s approach to rewriting Goldfinger is actually very clever.
Pak takes advantage of James Bond’s perpetual fictional youth. If we accept Bond as a normal individual who ages in a reflection to the real world, Bond never could have faced Goldfinger.
Pak started with that as a premise. In Pak’s story another agent investigated a gold smuggling operation. Another agent encountered the original Oddjob and paid for that meeting.
Pak introduced John Lee, the new Oddjob, but he’s an unique creation. A spiffy hat is the only thing they share. Lee is a loquacious South Korean secret agent skilled in the martial arts. Oddjob is Goldfinger’s flunky. A monster in the novel. A Hawaiian wrestler in real life and a mute Japanese bodyguard assassin in the film.
In a very roundabout way, Pak drew the John Lee story headlong into Goldfinger. Auric Goldfinger is a younger individual, carrying out criminal activities through a new organization called ORU. Perhaps Goldfinger's father headed the original "grand slam."
ORU acquires fealty from its agents through the torture of technology and biochemistry. John Lee is in this to save a fellow South Korean operative Aria Kim.
Bond’s orders are to kill John Lee. Everybody but Bond believes in Lee’s defection. As in the original Goldfinger, Bond pretends to be a business man and meets Goldfinger on the field of chance.
He catches him cheating, but there will be no poisoned, gold-painted women paying for his observations.
If painted gold, don’t panic. You’ll still live. Humans breathe through their lungs not their skin. We’re not frogs. The painted victims in fiction and real life died from poisoning due to mercury in the paint. Stringent regulations banned mercury from paint long ago. So should you accidentally find yourself covered in paint, you’re good. Go take a shower.
As in the film, Bond lures his prey with gold provided by MI-6. Goldfinger’s motive shifts to a surprising degree. In the novel, he intends to rob Fort Knox. In the film, he plans to irradiate the gold in Fort Knox and subsequently increase the value of his private stash. Pak excises the golf game where Bond exposes Goldfinger cheating a second time. He once again draws in the John Lee story, and there’s no Pussy Galore anywhere to be seen. In fact, Bond’s focus is on the mission and his personal aim to see John Lee exonerated. In this way, Pak preserves Bond’s heroism.
The Black Widow recently returned from the dead via cloning. She now suffers from PTSD involving her death and the cumulative violence running through her life. She decided to work through her anger in Madripoor, a lawless island nation once frequented by Wolverine.
Tyger Tiger is a stabilizing force in Madripoor, and when Tyger Tiger learns of No Restraints Play, she knows exactly where Black Widow can rage.
No Restraints Play, is the next devolution of the snuff film, which let me emphasize does not exist. The villains conducting No Restraints Play torture and maim children. They tried to pull that crap on Natasha, and she promptly and literally burned down their operation.
Last issue the Big Bad attempted to kill she and Tyger Tiger with a guided missile. Needless to say, he fails, and Natasha deduces his next move.
In a perfectly timed piece of suspense, Nat races to save the loose ends set up to die.
The Soskas grant no empathy to the Big Bad, up to this issue a secret player in an unexpected fair play mystery. He spouts all the usual excuses. She tries to guard herself with the best mercenaries money can buy.
They don’t stand a chance. When the Widow confronts the Big Bad, Nat very clearly wants him to suffer, but she approaches him like a superhero. Fortunately, the Big Bad leaves Nat with no choice. In so doing, Natasha reclaims her identity.
Even the cleanup in the story is interesting. Natasha inspires the survivors to become something better, and she gives a gift to the girl that helped bring down the heinous ring. No doubt calling in a favor from Tony Stark, in a scene perhaps inspired by Robert Downey Jr. delivering a specially designed gift to a child in the hospital.
Nat furthermore returns to where her problems triggered. She visits Steve and absolves him.
Steve really had nothing to do with killing Natasha. She appears to blame him in issue one, but Nat comes full circle in the fifth. The Soskas’ take on Natasha, her history and future resonates. Their ideas should be incorporated in any future story. Hopefully this isn’t the Soskas final word and they’ll revisit the web of the Black Widow.
Black Widow is the second best character in War of the Realms Strikeforce. Writer Dennis Hopeless directs the Widow with the Soskas’ characterization in mind.
Acerbic and angry, the Widow steals every scene that she’s in. She only levels when she’s paired with Deadpool, the real star of the comic book.
Every moment with Deadpool is a joy. He’s as funny as the Ryan Reynolds portrayal and serves as the Everyman that sees the insanity in the War of the Realms.
I’m also impressed by the scope of the one-shot and the intrinsic continuity enmeshed in the plotting.
Deadpool’s encounter with the Flame Sharks, or whatever they are, leads him organically to Atlantis.
The cameo appearance by Namor is a domino. Its fall leads to Deadpool joining Captain Marvel’s team.
Unfortunately Hopeless hasn’t a clue about how to write Captain Marvel. Her gung-ho military attitude reminds me of how she behaved during the first Civil War, when she was an out of character Iron Man lieutenant martinet. That event should not be considered a template. Just bad writing. Not that Hopeless is a bad writer. He’s simply basing Carol’s characterization on a blip on her personal radar, which in DC’s universe would have been expunged.
Malekith sightings in England draw the team to unexpected allies.
Roy Thomas and Frank Robbins created World War II heroes Union Jack and Spitfire for The Invaders. Roger Stern and John Byrne introduced the Northern current Union Jack in a pivotal Captain America. Somewhere down the line Spitfire became a vampire, which I loathe, but isn’t Hopless’ fault.
Honestly, I didn’t know that the Black Knight still lived. In an eponymous comic book published by Marvel during the nineteen fifties, the original Black Knight fought evil in medieval times at the behest of King Arthur. The third and current Black Knight is a descendent named Dane Whitman. He became an Avenger in the mid-sixties. I last saw him in the jacketed Avengers during the nineties.
Even more surprising than the appearance of Marvel’s British heroes. Malekith actually shows his face.
It’s weird that Malekith appears in what amounts to a one-shot spin-off of The War of the Realms. You would think to see him in the main title and Thor but not here. I only bought the comic for the Black Widow, certainly not Venom and whatever the grey claymation-looking thing is. This story however gains import when Malekith arrives.
Apparently Heaven is part of the Eight Realms already conquered by Malekith. Devout comic book readers need not be offended. Marvel’s Heaven is based on Angel mythology, not so much The Bible.
The Angels occupy Nigeria and serve as High Command for Malekith’s Dark Elf infantry. Enter the League of Realms led by Spider-Man.
I’ve never stopped liking Spider-Man. I disagreed with Marvel’s decisions regarding the character and cast: his split from Mary Jane Watson and other things that actually make me vomit a little. Overall, Spider-Man’s continuity grew too complicated. That said. I’m always willing to give Spidey another chance.
Spider-Man proves his worth as a contrast to his more bellicose companions. Just as Thor predicted. While you need creatures willing to get Norse on the Dark Elves’ asses. You also need a compassionate hero focused on the rescue operation and the heart of the problem.
I’ve said in the past that I’ve never really been a Hulk reader. When I read the Hulk it was usually part of a collection: an Incredible Hulk pocket book, Son of Origins, Bring on the Bad Guys. My exposure to the Hulk mainly derives from The Avengers and The Defenders, as well as the Bill Bixby/Lou Ferrigno television series. When I flipped through the Joe Fixit era of the Hulk, the weird Las Vegas Hulk bouncer thing, I said a resounding no.
So here I am reading The Immortal Hulk, and Al Ewing even persuades me to like Joe Fixit. I’m as dumfounded as you.
General Fortean hatched an evil scheme. Lure Bruce Banner and the Hulk by stealing Rick Jones’ corpse. Fortean is a real dick.
The General figured that sunlight is the Hulk’s weakness. It turns out that he’s right. I know what you’re saying. You’ve read scenes where the Hulk is smashing all sorts of things in broad daylight. That’s whom the original Hulk refers to as The Big Guy. Each Hulk must have a different tolerance for sunlight, and the Big Guy. The Hulk-No-Like-Hulk-Smash incarnation is nearly immune.
Fortean trapped Hulk in a sunlight flooded Gamma Base. He reverted him back to Banner and sent his assassin Burbank to finish the job. Burbank is a sadistic bastard who can form a gun out of his hand, kind of like a Doctor Who Auton, but only disgusting. When Burbank shoots Banner, the pain and fear drives Banner deep inside. What comes out is Joe Fixit.
Maybe this was Joe’s personality all the time. Maybe not. What I can tell you is that Joe meets the criteria of an archetype. A smarter than average bear that you consistently underestimate. I’ve seen Joe in lots of pulp media. Al Ewing demonstrates Joe’s cunning in many entertaining ways while the other Joe, artist Bennet depicts a complete change in body language and expression that advertises Banner’s not home at the moment. Leave a message with Joe.
Sabrina the Teenage Witch’s second issue picks up right where we left off. Sabrina learns a secret about school bully Radka and her brother.
But that revelation is nothing compared to the sudden interruption of a true giant monster. Sabrina must use her magic to fight the beast.
At this point let me just say that the colors with the art make this book pop. I loved the zaftig original Sabrina but the creepy art in her recent horror title just didn’t do anything for me. Once again, Veronica and Andy Fish’s art hits a lovely aesthetic middle ground. It’s optimized for vibrant sorcery, slice of life high-school and action-adventure.
The latest incarnation of Sabrina The Teenage Witch is definitely an action-adventure book. The tiresome no magic rule quickly falls by the wayside. It was already on the ground last issue, but this issue confirms the drop. Sabrina’s aunts Hilda and Zelda reveal numerous things to the audience and a special secret to Sabrina, but writer Kelly Thompson cleverly isolates Sabrina while accounting for magic.
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