Pick of the Brown Bag
July 25, 2018
by
Ray Tate
Welcome to the Pick of the Brown Bag. Notice anything? It’s on time. Yes! This week I’m reviewing Aquaman, Charlie’s Angels, Doomsday Clock, Green Hornet, Justice League Dark, Infinity Wars, Mera, Mr. and Mrs. X, Scooby-Doo Team-Up and X-23. As always should you be too exhausted to read my ramblings, you can always get to the point on Twitter: #PickoftheBrownBag.
The two well-dressed people in white we met in the debut of Charlie’s Angels return to kidnap Charlie.
It’s a puzzle to me how the agents managed to find Charlie Townsend’s address. That was a big deal in the Charlie’s Angels film, but so be it. We'll just argue that the agents operate with better intelligence sources than Eric Knox.
In any case, one of the agents must be an incredible mimic, for soon, somebody is imitating Charlie and sending the Angels on a devil's errand. No. Once again, I have no shame.
The Angels waylay innocent stewardesses for what they believe to be the greater good, but Jill Munroe notes their change in direction. The other Angels dismiss it under the heading of a desperate situation. The incongruities in their mission however keep piling up.
Their target doesn’t fit his profile. This leads to an epic fail for feminine wiles.
Mr. Bryce Steele in fact only acts when genuinely concerned.
Kelly is down in the dumps because she gave her heart to one of their clients, Ted Gardner, and he seemed to reciprocate Little does Kelly know that the unfriendly agents smacked him out of commission as well.
Bryce's attention facilitates the Angels' infiltration of a high class party hosted by a Vienna Count.
Here it appears Bryce is trading U.S. secrets for filthy lucre. The Angels play rough when it comes to Communist spies. Real rough. By the time the night is over, Bryce will be in severe pain, and the Angels will know that they've been had.
Charlie’s Angels offers the reader an undemanding story with excellent artwork. The tone fits the television series, but the action content goes above and beyond the threshold then allowed by Standards and Practices.
Green Hornet concludes its first arc with Mulan Kato in the title role. It’s a surprising issue in more ways than one. The narrator for example is neophyte character but experienced Daily Sentinel reporter Tai.
Britt and Mulan took her into their confidence. She is now aware of the ruse perpetuated by the Green Hornet.
So is Oko, the weird vigilante that caught the Green Hornet and Kato. Britt is in the guise of Kato, for those not in the know. Oko is not what he seems and worked maniacally hard to preserve his disguise, but is he truly the villain?
The Espada, a world-hungry organization of lunatics, attack the Hornet while in Oko's custody. They think it will be an easy kill, but they didn't count on the circle of vengeance.
Last issue, Clutch, the Green Hornet's engineer not to mention cousin, appeared to die in a bomb blast. So, his friends take this moment to exact their pounds at the same time Espada attempt to adminster the coup de grace.
The art is like a storyboard for a terrific new Green Hornet television series. This grand finale would be a fantastic martial arts extravaganza on the tube. As it is, it’s still pretty impressive.
The cover says it all. So, there’s no use trying to hide the spoilers. The Stepford Cuckoos, seek X-23’s DNA in an effort to save their dying sister. One of them already passed.
The Cuckoos lead Laura and her clone sister Gabby into a trap. Their formidable psychic powers smash into Laura, but she manages to clip the birds' wings. The Cuckoos anticipated Laura's willpower. As planned, the strange sisters get away with Gabby.
The Cuckoos are nutty and desperate, but not necessarily evil in their aims. They really have no other motive other than to help their sister. It makes them more sympathetic than they behave normally, which is interesting characterization.
Before the main plot begins, new writer Mariko Tamaki demonstrates the importance of sisterhood and pancakes.
Laura delivers on her promise. The pancakes not the stabbing. Breakfast conversation revolves around Laura's birthday. Laura does not care for birthdays and doesn't see the importance. Gabby skews opposite, and promises to wear Laura down. Tamaki started the birthday thread last issue. The theme allows for serial comedy and artist Juann Cabal flexing his expressive muscles.
Mr. and Mrs. X is Kelly Thompson’s masterpiece. I say this with a lifelong disdain for Gambit. She made me consider Gambit as something other than a sweaty, scuzzy, sleazy dude with a weird, funky accent. No, Gambit doesn’t represent all Creole people. He doesn’t represent any.
I stopped being an X-Men fan the moment John Byrne left the book. I popped in here and there, and whenever I bumped into Gambit, I just wanted to take a shower. There’s just no other way to describe my immediate dislike of the guy.
All that said. I didn’t change my opinion of Gambit until Tom Taylor brought him into All-New Wolverine. Taylor dared to argue that Gambit isn't always on the make. He can be trusted. He is here to help. Then, I encountered him in Charles Soule’s Astonishing X-Men, and he seemed like a decent enough hero. I don't however believe my maturity changed my opinion of Gambit. Gambit changed.
All that said. I didn’t change my opinion of Gambit until Tom Taylor brought him into All-New Wolverine. Taylor dared to argue that Gambit isn't always on the make. He can be trusted. He is here to help. Then, I encountered him in Charles Soule’s Astonishing X-Men, and he seemed like a decent enough hero. I don't however believe my maturity changed my opinion of Gambit. Gambit changed.
So, it’s just the past of Gambit that makes my skin crawl. I guess he’s a a lot like the duality of Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader. Anakin was a shitty human being that sliced and diced little Jedi kids because he believed it was the only way to keep fucking Padme Amidala. On the other hand, I genuinely like Darth Vader. He’s a badass flunky that becomes an enforcer of petty revenge and softens to Dad before he dies. I honestly do not see any connection between Anakin and Darth Vader, even if they are one in the same. Ditto for Gambit nouveau and suck-ass Gambit from the past.
Illustrator Oscar Baltazar makes Gambit visually palatable. In fact, he infuses cuteness to every character. Mr. and Mrs. X as a result looks like a cartoon in the vein of Don Bluth. When the scene shifts to the honeymoon, it becomes a sexy cartoon.
Illustrator Oscar Baltazar makes Gambit visually palatable. In fact, he infuses cuteness to every character. Mr. and Mrs. X as a result looks like a cartoon in the vein of Don Bluth. When the scene shifts to the honeymoon, it becomes a sexy cartoon.
Thompson’s story is basically a lark that hits comedy beats in the dialogue and plays on the traditions of marriage. It’s a feel-good story, where villain/antagonist/who knows Mystique drops in for her daughter’s most important day and fights no one.
So, here’s how off I am on X-Men mythology. I didn't know Rogue is actually Mystique's daughter. I also did not know that the Powers That Be went with Chris Claremont’s idea of Nightcrawler being Mystique’s relation. In this case a son. Thompson gives Nightcrawler a good joke regarding his likeness to his mother.
A buddy recently explained that Mystique is long-lived enough to have two adult kids and still look like a blue dream come true. Rogue knows her mother of old and imagines amusing meta scenarios that Mystique promises not to engage in.
A buddy recently explained that Mystique is long-lived enough to have two adult kids and still look like a blue dream come true. Rogue knows her mother of old and imagines amusing meta scenarios that Mystique promises not to engage in.
This moment is utterly brilliant and hilarious, especially for a knowledgeable comic book reader. Anyway. Gambit and Rogue, really marry, and it’s off to the honeymoon with an energetic pair of newlyweds.
Rogue absorbs power through body-to-body contact. So a happy wedding night requires a power suppression collar. The kicker is that as Rogue experiences pleasure, she also feels pain.
Rogue absorbs power through body-to-body contact. So a happy wedding night requires a power suppression collar. The kicker is that as Rogue experiences pleasure, she also feels pain.
Here’s how I know that Kelly Thompson worked a miracle. Gambit pairing up with Rogue used to be one of my least favorite things to see in comics. It's right below Nightwing unloading his angst on Batman. Rogue using a collar to have sex with Gambit is an extreme measure, but I didn’t mind this at all. I didn’t find Rogue’s need for a collar demeaning. She’s very clearly making a choice. It’s Gambit.
My change in opinion about Remmy and Rogue has nothing to do with the their alleged legitimacy because of the marriage. I’m an atheist and a liberal thinker. Sex is a good thing between consenting adults whether married or not. Thompson sincerely believes these two should be together, and she coveys that sincerity better than anybody else. That's why this whole potential nightmare scenario radiates the opposite effect.
As any comic reader can tell you, superhero happy occasions, literally and figuratively, don’t last. This one is no different.
Thompson still puts a light spin to it. Rogue and Gambit had a reasonably long honeymoon superhero-wise, but it's not long before Mr. and Mrs. X go on their first mission as spouses. They must secure a hostage held by traditional X-Men antagonist jackasses. Hint. Nothing to do with Mystique.
The first issue of Infinity Wars sets the stage with a team-up, sort-of between Adam Warlock and Stephen Strange. Together, they enter the realm of the Soul Gem to discover something wicked this way comes. Writer Gerry Duggan also hints at why this is an Infinity War when Adam Warlock suggests to Stephen that he safe-keep his time stone. Dr. Strange politely balks with what is essentially "You and what army?" Meanwhile, Thanos enters the picture briefly with the Chitauri army, and in a surprising move, Duggan explains how Thanos ended up in Thor.
This is my last issue of Doomsday Clock. I really wanted to stick with the series, but it's just dragging its metaphorical feet and offers little in return to the DC reader. Especially one now invested in the New 52.
A Watchmen fan may feel differently, but nothing in subsequent issues matched the dramatic friction between Batman and Rorschach.
Last chapter Batman fought Watchman Adrian Veidt in The Night Owl's airship. Veidt got the upper hand and ejected Batman. No worries.
Batman simply shot a grappling hook and swung to safety. However, the protesting people of Gotham bore him down. Why are the Gothamites protesting? Turning against Batman?
The Superman Theory posits the government created most superheroes. The government lied to us! These heroes aren't happy accidents or dedicated to truth, justice and peace for all human kind.
A Watchmen fan may feel differently, but nothing in subsequent issues matched the dramatic friction between Batman and Rorschach.
Batman simply shot a grappling hook and swung to safety. However, the protesting people of Gotham bore him down. Why are the Gothamites protesting? Turning against Batman?
The Superman Theory posits the government created most superheroes. The government lied to us! These heroes aren't happy accidents or dedicated to truth, justice and peace for all human kind.
Historically, this is rubbish.
For that reason, The Superman Theory is difficult to accept as a prime motivating factor for civil unrest. I stated that it's a poor man's Legends, and I stick by the description.
The artifice allows Batman to be defeated rather than simply reassume his edge against the Watchmen. Why Batman hasn't hit his Justice League signal device is anybody's guess. He should at least be contacting Superman or the Flash. Walter Kovacs was the original Rorschach. Thanks to Waylon Jones the second Rorschach, Batman possesses Kovacs' journal. Kovacs should have described the Comedian's badge. In Rebirth, the Button shot into the Batcave's wall when Wally West manifested from beyond time and space. Since that moment, Batman and the Flash teamed up to solve the mystery of the Button.
The current Doomsday Clock is all about Mime and Marionette. Their origin. Their shared history. Their love story.
Yes. They get down, and you know what. I don’t give a flying fig about Mime and Marionette. Not a fig. Even less of a fig than I care about most villains.
Anybody expecting a repeat of the nudity from the original Watchmen will be disappointed. Taking the span of one tiny panel, the lovemaking is all in silhouette. Pun not intended.
Anybody expecting a repeat of the nudity from the original Watchmen will be disappointed. Taking the span of one tiny panel, the lovemaking is all in silhouette. Pun not intended.
Rebirth gave the writers and artists an opportunity to restore some of the things that the New 52 reset. For example, Green Arrow and Black Canary are together again, but the Arrow isn't a dick. The original Teen Titans' memories are in conflict with reality. Nevertheless, they decide that they're friends and band together out of respect for those memories. Tom King writes Batman. The list goes on and nobody gets crippled for twenty-five years in the process.
Overall Doomsday Clock tries to be very dark. You have scenes such as Superman eavesdropping but in a very spooky way thanks to the realistic art of Gary Frank.
Ironically, the villains contrast this essay. The Joker and his ilk hide out in the sewer because of the Superman Theory. I suppose the argument is that if the government created superheroes, it stands to reason that they also created super villains.
The characterization of the villains doesn't fit one DC continuity. The Joker is positively bouncy.
Overall Doomsday Clock tries to be very dark. You have scenes such as Superman eavesdropping but in a very spooky way thanks to the realistic art of Gary Frank.
Ironically, the villains contrast this essay. The Joker and his ilk hide out in the sewer because of the Superman Theory. I suppose the argument is that if the government created superheroes, it stands to reason that they also created super villains.
Historically this is rubbish.
The characterization of the villains doesn't fit one DC continuity. The Joker is positively bouncy.
The Joker also looks like a standard lunchbox Joker. Joker's dialogue reads like Mark Hamill's delivery. Don't get me wrong. The traditional look of the Joker is valid, and I love Mark Hamill's Joker. I'm betting with different inflection, Hamill could properly voice Tom King's restorative Joker. That's not what I'm getting here. The Joker doesn't try to kill Batman. He's wheeling him around. He's more lethal to his henchmen than innocents.
The Riddler is Frank Gorshin. I love Frank Gorshin’s Riddler, but this isn’t the New 52 A Clockwork Orange Riddler. Sonar has a say. Sonar? I haven’t seen Sonar since Bronze Age Justice League of America. The MODOK looking fellow is Hector Hammond who does look like the New 52 version. Dr. Psycho and Giganta are Wonder Woman villains, but each comes from two different eras. Giganta is a Super-Friends alum more than anything else. Dr. Psycho in that form is a post-Crisis antagonist.
My point is there’s a lot on the DC side that doesn’t add up. I'm not a fan of Watchmen, and I find myself trying to figure where things are coming from more than enjoying the dialogue or the overall plot. For that reason, I’m calling time on Doomsday Clock
Justice League Dark is innocuous and meaningless. Every few mediocre issues of the previous mostly good volumes of Justice League Dark were better than this debut.
The story begins with Zatanna casting a spell to pull a rabbit out a hat. Things go wrong.
Pulling a rabbit out of a hat is a classic trick performed by mere mortal magicians that lack the backward-speak powers of Zatanna. I’m puzzled why she felt the need to to employ actual magic.
Uses it she does, and the spell goes horribly wrong. She in addition to a dead rabbit, calls up a monster.
‘Roh No!
Fortunately Wonder Woman is nearby. Perhaps she was in the audience. Diana mitigates the damage with her unusual bravado and warrior skill.
Zatanna attempts to help, but her spell casting doubles-down on the danger. Z eventually figures a way out of this mess, and it convinces her that Wonder Woman is right. Magic is broken, and together they must fix it.
Nope. That would actually be productive. Instead, the book meanders off down two paths. We follow Zatanna to Winters Gate, the supernatural estate of Baron Winters and the Night Force, which you might recall from a preview in Teen Titans. Because there’s no way in hell you actually bought and read a full issue of Night Force.
Before Zatanna joins her magical comrades, John Constantine shows up. It’s the law.
Subsection Five of the Houdini Code. Should a cabal of magicians gather to discuss but not fight a magical threat, John Constantine must visit the scruff of the fellowship. He must light up if not already smoking and say something vague and/or mysterious before disappearing.
I give the artist credit for mistaking John as one of the Winchester Brothers from Supernatural. The error at least grants visual novelty. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Constantine in formal black and with a Chevy Impala. Perhaps he slept with one of bros and jacked it.
Meanwhile Wonder Woman commiserates at the Oblivion Bar. What you’ve never heard of the Oblivion Bar? The deuce you say.
Psst. I’ve never heard of it either.
Created by John Broome and Carmine Infantino, Detective Chimp was a chimpanzee that helped Florida Sheriff Edward Chase solve local crime much in the same way Scooby-Doo aids Mystery Inc. Bobo’s mostly pleasant adventures ran in the 1950s as a back-up feature in Rex the Wonder Dog. You may have perused them in reprints in the 100 page editions of Detective Comics or Tarzan.
Somewhere down the line, the writers monkeyed around with Detective Chimp so that not only is he an immortal, but also capable of speech and prone to wear a full Sherlock Holmes outfit rather than just the hat. He’s basically DC’s Rocket Raccoon who we learn once had the misfortune of being paired with two-issue wonder The Nightmaster.
Wonder Woman and Detective Chimp go to another pocket of the Hall of Justice to meet the third member of their team.
Kirk Langstrom. He began as a Batman fanatic created by Denny O’Neil and Neal Adams. Batman found a cure for the mania that Langstrom acquired when he took his Man-Bat formula. Kirk re-engineered the serum to become Man-Bat but retained his marbles.
So as with Detective Chimp, some post-Crisis writers saw Man-Bat differently. Bringing back the nutso and ignoring everything else. Now, he’s back trying to be a hero and paying his dues in the Justice League. Man-Bat is really Hank Pym. Not the cinematic Hank Pym. The other one.
Meanwhile, Zatanna hypocritically pesters Swamp Thing, who’s literally keeping an eye on magical illumanti such as Jason Blood and has-beens like the Twilight version of Andrew Bennett…Okay. What the hell is Dr. Occult doing here. He deserves better.
Swamp Thing shambles for double-duty in Scooby-Doo Team-Up. It’s a very slight detective story by Sholly Fisch, but still worthy of attention.
Fisch pokes good natured fun of Len Wein's purple prose in the opening shot. He then uses one of Alan Moore’s characters in an elegant manner.
The hippie chum of Swamp Thing Chester makes an easy to snap-together relative for Shaggy. Chester called Mystery Inc. to investigate people gone missing in the bayou.
It’s no spoiler to say that the culprit is the Voodoo Queen. Fisch must be credited with his portrayal of bona fide zombies.
Despite the many times Fred, Daphne and Velma try to assuage Shaggy’s and Scooby's fears with facts, they simply cannot break through their shields of terror.
Bokhur, your basic bad witch doctor, create zombies for revenge and slave labor using potions that are combinations of natural poisons. Unfortunately, the exposure usually causes permanent brain damage. This explains the victims’ confused and diminished state.
Bokhur, your basic bad witch doctor, create zombies for revenge and slave labor using potions that are combinations of natural poisons. Unfortunately, the exposure usually causes permanent brain damage. This explains the victims’ confused and diminished state.
Two brilliant twists in the plot drop the Gang into the stew. Swamp Thing, who takes the position of watcher as he did in early stories, neatly solves one problem. Swampy's power also completely and plausibly reverses the zombification process. Dr. Holland takes a more physical approach to intervene again, and this battle against a surprise guest villain recalls the far too underrated Swamp Thing film.
Dario Brizuela has my vote if DC ever creates an all-ages Swamp Thing book. I know. An all-ages Swamp Thing Book, I mean how would the writers get around such things as Abigail Arcane.
Quite easily as it turns out.
The conclusion to Mera Queen of Atlantis is a visually stunning duel illustrated by Lan Medina, Norm Rapmund and and Veronica Gandini. Will our combatants sign in please.
At risk? The allegiance of Xebel, an underwater kingdom of bellicose isolationists and the integrity of Tula, Regent of Atlantis.
Ocean Master promised Tula to King Nereus should he be victorious. This indentured sexual servitude was the destiny of old royalty, meant to broker peace between domains.
Ocean Master promised Tula to King Nereus should he be victorious. This indentured sexual servitude was the destiny of old royalty, meant to broker peace between domains.
Orm thought it a good idea to bring back the practice and pimped out his sister. This is hypocrisy of the lowest order. Orm found what he believed to be genuine love on the surface world.
Mera is a modern queen and a modern woman. She’s not going to stand for such barbarism. This isn't bloody Game of Thrones.
What happens? You’ll need to buy the book to find out the rest of the story. I will say this. Read Mera before Aquaman.
Aquaman ends his story on a strong note that pits Aquaman and his allies against Corum Rath. The difference is that now Aquaman is willing to up his game a little. Sacrifice heroism for practicality.
He still finds an imaginative solution to the problem that doesn’t involve killing, but make no mistake, at the end of this issue, the reign of Corum Rath is done. Queen Mera will take the Throne.
The Dark Abyss, which possessed Rath and turned him into a fish-monster, takes its revenge against Aquaman in a curious way that sets up the next story arc.
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Dan Abnett concludes Aquaman in a way that you really don't expect. Corum Rath began as a Trump-like usurper. Murk, a watery Klingon loyal to the throne but not one king, seemed to kill Aquaman, and acted as if he had. That turned out to be an oscar-winning performance. As more and more of the Royal Court turned against Rath, for their own selfish reasons, he made a deal with the Dark Abyss. The Dark Abyss turned Rath inside out. His ideals manifest as a monster, and that's where we find Aquaman right now.
Aquaman is more than a match for humanoid Rath, but not Lovecraft horror Rath. Even with the newly revamped Dolphin's aid, Aquaman seems to be soggy toast.
I've seen some online remarks about Dolphin being attracted to Aquaman. I don't see that at all. Dolphin is essentially Aquaman's Robin. She's his squire. The following scene for example is intimate but not sexual. It's a reflection of Rogue One's finale.
That's far more apropos given the nature of the conflict running through Abnett's run of Aquaman. Is this the end of Aquaman and Dolphin? Do they die together as warriors? A fitting end, but because of what occurs in Mera Queen of Atlantis a precluded finish.
If this were Doctor Who I'd say that Mera went back in time to rewrite history. Her arrival is that momentous, that devastating to Rath's triumph, yet the book is called Aquaman for a reason. Abnett bolsters Mera without undermining Aquaman in a damn fine finale that should be witnessed rather than spoilt.
Aquaman is more than a match for humanoid Rath, but not Lovecraft horror Rath. Even with the newly revamped Dolphin's aid, Aquaman seems to be soggy toast.
I've seen some online remarks about Dolphin being attracted to Aquaman. I don't see that at all. Dolphin is essentially Aquaman's Robin. She's his squire. The following scene for example is intimate but not sexual. It's a reflection of Rogue One's finale.
That's far more apropos given the nature of the conflict running through Abnett's run of Aquaman. Is this the end of Aquaman and Dolphin? Do they die together as warriors? A fitting end, but because of what occurs in Mera Queen of Atlantis a precluded finish.
If this were Doctor Who I'd say that Mera went back in time to rewrite history. Her arrival is that momentous, that devastating to Rath's triumph, yet the book is called Aquaman for a reason. Abnett bolsters Mera without undermining Aquaman in a damn fine finale that should be witnessed rather than spoilt.
