A Pick of the Brown Bag Special
The Fiendish Plot of Fu Man-Clarence
by
Ray Tate
Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
Clarence Thomas became instrumental in striking down a near fifty year old legal precedent.
The latin phrase Stare decisis no longer pertains to law.
Now, people in the LGBT community are terrified. They should be.
Thomas is just itching to overturn gay marriage rights and other protections of civil liberties. He all but shouted this by stating Obergefell vs Hodges was “wrongly decided.” Sound familiar?
So, yes. Your rights are about to suffer. On the bright side, the High Court just put more guns on the street. So, you may not suffer long. Nobody may.
Clarence Thomas loathes people in general, but I suspect Thomas has a much more devious plan.
Thomas intends to turn back the clock until he reaches the landmark decision: Loving vs. Virginia.
Loving vs. Virginia legalized interracial marriage, but the Supreme Court only decided the case in 1967. Do the math. It’s only six years shy of Roe vs. Wade. Its age cannot save it from the chopping block.
It probably hasn’t passed Thomas’ notice that the case is in fact called Loving vs. Virginia. Virginia. You can imagine the smile on his face.
“How delicious the case actually references my wife’s name.”
Richard Loving married Mildred Jeter in Washington D.C. However, Virginia still maintained a ban on interracial marriage. When the Lovings moved to Virginia, authorities arrested them.
Nowadays that sounds nuts, but hey, the law’s the law, baby. The law does not rely on logic or science. It may have once. It now relies on the nuanced interpretation of Conservatism.
Anyhow, the State of Virginia as opposed to Ginni didn’t really want this mess. They were happy being racist. Why did this heathen couple have to come into town and upset everything?
The state threatened to punish the Lovings with one year in prison if they didn’t leave. The Lovings not being stupid moved to Washington D.C. where they were previously married.
Nevertheless, the Lovings sued Virginia, the State not Ginni. After all what gives anybody the right to order somebody where to live?
Well, if the states start trying to control women’s movements, Thomas, the horse and buggy guy, the pipsqueak wannabe rapist, the Puritan and the sort-of-woman on the High Court will decide.
Likely the decision will imprison women in each state. Think of Hogan’s Heroes, only without the absurd successful sabotage.
Actually, think of the internment camps for Japanese Americans here in the U.S of A.
Ultimately, the Lovings’ case made it all the way to to the Supreme Court. That’s right. Virginia’s lower courts were racist dick enough to rule against the Lovings.
Now, we get to the unanimous decision of the Supreme Court. Interracial marriage barriers violated the Fourteenth Amendment.
Boy, that unanimous ruling thing sounds enticingly bedrock doesn’t it? The then Supreme Court ruled 7-2 in favor of Roe vs. Wade. 7-2. I don’t really believe a unanimous decision is going to impact on the current yahoos in the robes. Do you?
So, what happens if the Supreme Court strikes Loving vs. Virginia off the books?
Ginni Thomas finds herself on the curb waiting for the Trump Kool-Aid Man to show up for the last rally. Oh, yeah!
Thomas maintained a pretense of Conservative impartiality throughout his tenure. The press however exposed Ginni Thomas as a nutter who more than likely committed treason. This coincidentally occurred around the time the Puritan’s draft opinion on Roe vs. Wade leaked out into the stratosphere.
Thomas must have been thinking. You know, this fruitcake isn’t really going to be good for me in the long run, and I’ve hated women all my life anyway. It’s time to execute my contingency plan.
You see, Thomas can get a divorce. The trouble is that Catholicism doesn’t recognize divorce. As far as the Powers That Be are concerned, you’re still married even if the courts declare otherwise.
You need to get a Catholic Annulment in order to be rid of the old ball and chain.
That’s what this roadmap provides Thomas. He cuts through the laws. Wiping out precedent after precedent. Until he reaches his ultimate goal. Loving vs. Virginia.
Expunging Loving vs. Virginia would erase Thomas’ marriage to Ginni. He can say he married her when the law allowed such hedonistic tomfoolery. So, legally he will no longer be bound to Ginni.
All that’s necessary now is Catholic Annulment to totally divest himself of the Trump cultist.
Thomas is a Trump cultist. He just cannot be perceived in such a way. He's also got a different colored robe than the other MAGAs.
He's an upper echelon lunatic. The one who can decide which virgin sacrifice will attract the least amount of police attention.
The annulment would be readily granted since the climate of the law and the United States would have changed.
The Church would have to rethink things after the demise of Loving vs. Virginia.
They would be much more lax with annulment than in the past. You can imagine them granting annulments left and right.
This plan also allows Clarence Thomas to keep his entire fortune. Approximately one million dollars. That we know about.
After all if he never married Ginni Thomas, he should not be obligated to pay her half of his earnings, nor alimony. It would be as if he never even met her.
For this reason Democrats should work together with surprised, no doubt suspicious Republicans, to codify Loving vs. Virginia into law. I’m sure they would get more votes for this over Roe vs. Wade and Obergefell vs. Hodges.
Sure the crazy wing of the Republican Party wouldn’t vote in favor of Loving vs. Virginia, but even Rand Paul and Ted Cruz may not care so much.
The consequences of codifying Loving vs. Virginia into law would preserve the marriages of millions of people, strike a blow against racism but also, and this is the important part, fuck up Clarence Thomas something fierce.
Thank you, I’m here all night.
